Sunday, August 14, 2011

Some days I just want to walk away

So this weekend has been wrapped up in homework. Nothing against that. But I am also pretty much on my own recently as Amanda has been working and visiting family (lucky her!). Unfortunately, it makes me realize how much I am at a loss for which direction my life is headed personally. I don't mean this post to be a downer, but rather a realization that I truly don't have those people that I, or Amanda and I, just simply hang out with. That I know that are available.

In fact, and this is something that brings some discomfort, is that I have not found that a particular "church" has truly been accepting unless you are plugged in to helping them in their work. What I mean is that true community, based on nothing other than living together, is lacking in my life. There is some that I get at a larger level, but honestly, truthfully, I can go 4 straight weekends doing my thing and not get a single incoming phone call. Not from friends, not from family. This is disheartening. While I know that I am not alone, having Amanda, I do feel that what is truly being called for is genuine, authentic, loving community. Where people care about each other and not programs or services. Where people are not concerned only with themselves.

This doesn't have to be a church, but it is my biggest complaint with the church. I just don't see how Sunday's look like what Jesus came proclaiming about the inbreaking Kingdom of God. I just don't see it.

Which is what leads me to the title of this post. Sometimes, I just want to travel. To walk or drive, taking in the scenery but just moving somewhere. Life can so much see at an impasse, that trekking provides a release. A return to focusing on pursuing God in the only way I know how. That is, to seek Him, and place my faith in Him alone. For me, this means that I am at odds a lot of times with people who are certain of their faith, but my response to most of these is that they have not fully thought through their beliefs. Because if they did, certainty yields to humility and possibility. This is where I am at, which has hope intwined with it. I have hope in God alone, in the grace that covers all that which we humans place incorrectly first. Even in what we place as important. But ultimately there is something true about walking and journeying. About taking in creation, and learning to live. Life is not purely something to be left behing, but something to embrace the proper fulfillment of it. And this is yielding control. Giving up striving to make life be what I want it to be.

So my discomfort is fine, in fact it is good as it leads me onward. I'm sure others feel similar...or I hope so. I honestly want to walk and encounter others who just want to walk alongside each other. I guess that means we have a similar place we are headed to, but I truly don't care if the people are like me or not, just that they enjoy the company!

So I want to walk away. Walk away from discomfort and uneasiness with the life I am living. Walk away from the trappings of American life. Walk away from having to prove.

Walk toward the coming Kingdom of God, hopefully seeing it around and enjoying the company of those on this similar journey of life. Regardless of where they are.

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